My in-laws have taken our children to Texas.
I mean, we know they were going to do it. It's not like I need you to call the authorities or anything. I'm just informing you as a preface to the story of our child-free week.
My husband's folks were visiting us in California, and since we were already planning a trip to Texas for my husband's high school reunion a week later, we decided to send the kids ahead and take some much needed "time for ourselves".
Bye Bye Offspring!
As these plans began to take shape my husband and I started to imagine all of the opportunities the week might afford us.
We'd recapture the magic and all too brief days of our courtship by rushing off to local hotspots on a whim!
We'd catch up on our summer movie going without glancing at our watches in a panic at the babysitting bills we were racking up!
We'd finally tackle long-neglected household projects that had piled up since the kids were born!
The door shut on the kids' departure. David and I barely had time for a melancholy sigh before we began enacting OPERATION CHILD FREE! We watched a movie DURING THE DAY. We took delicious and alarm-free naps! We went out to dinner at eight o'clock! And I'm not afraid to say that on that first night we stayed out PAST ELEVEN O'CLOCK!
It was everything we had imagined that life unburdened by children could be!
But on Day Two, things started to go a little off the rails.
David left for work in the morning and my body, being ill-adjusted to late nights and heavy meals, went into a state of semi-revolt. With no reason to rally, I took to my bed at 10am with a stack of unread US Magazines. Unwilling to cook without children to feed, Snickers Bars became a cornerstone of my day's sustenance. Hours passed as I lounged around different areas of the house, candy wrappers piling up in my wake.
By the time David got home, ready for our evening reservation at a local bistro, I was hard pressed to dress myself and exit the house. Still I rallied. We headed out for another meal and staggered home once again in the wee hours.*
The next day my Sid and Nancy-esque decline continued. Grand plans to start the great American novel and/or clean under the bed dissolved in a multi-hour "Say Yes to the Dress" marathon accompanied by an ice-cream based meal plan.
When David arrived home for the weekend he was immediately drawn into my web of sloth. Canceling our remaining dinner reservations, we instead opted for long nights on the couch in our underwear (for the record, if this sound even vaguely sexy to you, you are conjuring the WRONG image), watching third run movies (Limitless? NOT a good film) and dining from box after box of chocolate donut holes.
Thankfully, tomorrow we will be reunited with our children.
And then life can return to normal. Crazy, busy, occasionally nightmarish, but (now we know) better than the alternative normal.
I can't wait.
*Please note, the "wee hours", in this case, should be taken to connote any time after 10:30pm.