WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN I FIGHT WITH MY
HUSBAND:
HUSBAND:
Husband walks in door.
DAVID: Hi sweetheart! How was your day?
ME: MY DAY??? MY DAY WAS NOT VERY GOOD!!!
DAVID: Uh-Oh.
ME: Uh-Oh? What is that supposed to mean?
DAVID: I'm trying to express my concern. Because I can tell you are upset.
ME: I AM UPSET!
DAVID: (slightly hopeful) At who?
ME: AT YOU!!!!
DAVID: Uh-oh.
[PAUSE]
DAVID: I'm sorry, I didn't mean uh-oh. I meant please go ahead.
[PAUSE]
DAVID: I'm sorry, I didn't mean uh-oh. I meant please go ahead.
ME: There was a bag of chocolate chip cookies above the fridge.
DAVID: Uh-oh.
ME: Did you eat them all last night after I fell asleep?
DAVID: Yes. Yes I did.
ME: DAVID!!! The kids wouldn't leave the playground and so I had to bribe them by promising them cookies! Then on the way home there was bad traffic so I kept saying, "Just a few more minutes until cookies....just a few more minutes until cookies," and then we got all the way here and all I had to offer them was AN EMPTY COOKIE BAG!
DAVID: Yes. Yes I did.
ME: DAVID!!! The kids wouldn't leave the playground and so I had to bribe them by promising them cookies! Then on the way home there was bad traffic so I kept saying, "Just a few more minutes until cookies....just a few more minutes until cookies," and then we got all the way here and all I had to offer them was AN EMPTY COOKIE BAG!
DAVID: Uh-oh.
ME: I mean I promised the kids cookies all the way home if they would just stop screaming, and then we finally got home THERE WERE NO COOKIES!!!
DAVID: Wow, I get that and I am really, really sorry.
ME: And look! Here! At the list where we add things when we run out of them! You didn't even add "Cookies"!
DAVID: I'm very sorry.
ME: I'm not kidding! The kids were crying for like forty-five minutes!
DAVID: I'm really, really sorry.
ME: That doesn't help!
DAVID: I'm really, really sorry.
ME: That doesn't help!
DAVID: But I thought you told me last time we were fighting that if I just apologized sincerely it would make everything better.
ME: This is a totally different situation!!
DAVID: Oh. Would it help if I went to the store and got more cookies?
ME: This is about so much more than cookies! Don't you understand?
DAVID: Yes?
ME: Don't say yes if you don't really understand.
DAVID: Wow. I have no idea what to say right now.
[FRUSTRATED DIALOGUE CONTINUES]
[CUT TO ONE HOUR LATER]
DAVID: Yes?
ME: Don't say yes if you don't really understand.
DAVID: Wow. I have no idea what to say right now.
[FRUSTRATED DIALOGUE CONTINUES]
[CUT TO ONE HOUR LATER]
ME: Listen, I know you didn't do it on purpose, but please just don't eat things that I've put aside for the kids, OK?
DAVID: I won't. I promise.
ME: And when you use the last of something please add it to the list.
ME: And when you use the last of something please add it to the list.
ME: I will. I promise.
[CUT TO ONE HOUR LATER]
ME: It's just that I told the kids they were going to get cookies and then they were so upset when they were gone!
DAVID: Uh-huh. No, I get it.
ME: But -- it's just that I don't get the sense that this is as important to you as it is to me.
DAVID: No, no. It is. It is. Let's talk about it for another hour.
ME: Are you being sarcastic?
DAVID: Uh-oh.
[CUT TO THREE HOURS LATER]
ME: (crying) It just make me feel like you just don't really get what I go through with the kids! It's so hard, you know? I just give and give and I feel like no one respects that, you know? It's like your life hasn't changed at all and my life is like, 'Are there cookies for the kids?' 'Who needs a dentist appointment?' Like this endless list of responsibilities that no one really gets, you know....
[SOB-FILLED MONOLOGUE OF DESPAIR CONTINUES UNTIL I EVENTUALLY PASS OUT AND FALL ASLEEP]
*end of fight*
DAVID: Did you forget to move the car again and get a $95 dollar parking ticket that we can ill-afford this week?
ME: Yes. I did. I'm sorry. Would you like a brownie?
DAVID: Oh my God, that would be awesome.
*end of fight*
