Happy Snood-day to You!

This Friday is Snoodie's FIRST BIRTHDAY!

(please do not panic, you are not actually invited to a first birthday party)

Preparations are officially underway for the Feast of Snoodie! And by preparations, I mean that I am on my way to Party City to purchase some streamers and perhaps a balloon or two.

As the date for the party draws near, I've been getting advice from all corners about what a child's birthday party should involve:

"One child for every year the kid is old!"

"Get a bouncy house! Everyone loves a bouncy house!"

"Start late! That way everyone has had their nap!"

"Start early! Get it done and out of the way!"

Perhaps the most poignant thought on the subject, however, came from my father.

He informed me in no uncertain terms that if he ever learned he had a only a month to live, he would spend each day of that month riding an exercise bicycle in the center of a children's birthday party. This way, the month would seem like several years and by its end death would be nothing but a sweet relief.

So, I've been warned.

The touchstone I keep returning to is that, whatever we end up putting together, Snoodie won't remember it. I mean, the first couple of birthdays are just trial runs before the child has any actual ability to retain the experience, right?

As a friend pointed out, for birthday number one all you really need to come away with is a picture of your baby wearing a hat and covered with cake! So, I'm adding cake mix to my list and heading off to shop!

Check back next week to see the disturbing cartoon baby above replaced by an actual photo of Snood enjoying his very own birthday cake! (If no such photo appears, please send help immediately.)

Snood Glorious Snood

When my husband and I were first dating we would meet up each Friday night at a different restaurant in Los Angeles. At the time, we were unencumbered by childcare costs and/or mortgage payments and so we could afford to splurge on some pretty nice dinners.

Each week, one of us would do extensive research before making a reservation.

We'd meet up for a cocktail before dinner and talk for an hour or so about the restaurant choice. Upon arrival, we would discuss the menu in detail before ordering. When the food was served, we'd pass our plates back and forth as we discussed the merits and missteps of each dish. After the date, we'd head out, holding hands as we lovingly revisited the meal, course by course, while strolling towards the car.

At some point, about 6 months into our relationship, I turned to David with true concern and said:

"I'm worried that our relationship is 90% based on talking about food."

He pointed out that many couples he could name made it work on less, and we set a wedding date.

Since then, the arrival of ze Snood has put a serious hurting on date nights. These days we eat mostly at home. The first year plus of marriage has reveled a whole new side of our eating selves. For example, David has had to work double time to keep track of the long list of food rules I adhere to, which includes:

• No raisins in anything. Ever.
• No cold foot that could be served hot (i.e. shrimp on ice)
• No "surprise cruch" (i.e. chicken salad with large hunks of celery)
• No condiments (this includes ketchup, mustard, relish and hot sauce)

I could go on all day.

David, on the other hand, is basically the human equivalent of a goat.

He will head to the fridge and open a tupperware container of dubious origin any night of the week and give it's contents a whirl. While I have never actually seen him devour a tin can, let's just say I'm not putting anything past him.

So it's been interesting to start introducing Snoodie to solid food. So far, I think he takes after his dad. It started with rice cereal, which he devoured with gusto. We moved onto fruits and veggies, which he ate with glee (brief product endorsement: the BEABA babyfood maker is awesome - I never would have imagined myself as a "make your own babyfood" type but I am a convert!).

And now, as he approaches his first birthday Snood is eating it all. It's a feeding frenzy in my dining room. I am beginning to give serious though to simply sitting Snood in a high-chair, putting a bowl a food in front of him and then turning on a high-powered fan and blowing the food in his general direction. I am almost certain this system would result in more food consumption and less mess than we are currently experiencing.

We've even starting heading out for date nights again!

Gone are the fancy reservations and the five courses. These days we specialize in dinner at 5:30pm. As we have a maniac in a high chair along for the ride, our dining choices are limited to loud restaurants with friendly servers and we tend to order more burgers than filets, but still we're getting out and firming up the very core of our relationship, our first true love, the thing that made it all happen for us...

...FOOD!

What I Did on My Summer Vacation!

Well, it looks as though summer has come to an end, news that is melancholy on all fronts EXCEPT ONE! Yes, folks, this year, the arrival of Labor Day brings with it a single bright light - - - the return of www.shortfatdictator.com!

*sounds of rejoicing*

I fled the blog sometime back in August, in order to devote massive amounts of quality time to dipping El Snoodo in sunscreen, before heading out in search of water sources in which to plunge ourselves.

But now that fall is in the air, I hereby declare myself ready to fall into autumn's cobwebby arms and begin, once again, to blog about my questionable parenting choices!

First, an update since my last post - - the plague has finally abated (though, not before Typhoid Snoodie managed to pass it on to his grandmother, his parents, my cousin, my sister, his babysitter and two family friends).

I tell you, this cold was one for the record books. We were laid so low by it that at one point my husband turned his goopy eyes to me and said in-between hacking coughs,

"We're never going to be well again. This is it for us."

I gave him some chocolate and sent him back to bed, figuring that it was probably useless to try to explain the unlikelihood that the two of us had managed to catch the world's first incurable cold. And, as it turned out, we were not chosen to suffer endlessly. Eventually, we all recovered and managed to crawl from our sickbeds and back out into the sunshine.

One other delightful development since my last post is that Snood has come a long way since ARP! In fact, he is now performing tricks on command!

Our relationship now involves little more than the following exchange repeated without end:

Me: How big is Snoodie?

Snood raises hands above head to indicate bigness.

Me: SO BIG!!!!

It seems simple but, let me tell you, after eight months of attempting to decipher a series of ever-loudening cries without success, this first glimmer that Snoodie actually speaks English is pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me.

So, that's the news for now! Start looking for the blog again on Wednesdays. Lots more tales to report in the weeks ahead as my little Snoodie turns one!