Thursday, August 11, 2011

40 and Pregnant (much like '16 and Pregnant' but much, much older)

Today's post starts with a public service announcement. 

There may be a handful of you out there who are utilizing the, "Let's try to maybe avoid those days when I'm ovulating if we can remember when they are..." method for your current family planning needs.

Dear readers, please be advised that I have recently discovered that this method has significantly less than 100% effectiveness. In fact, it would be fair to say that in our case this method has proved itself to be 100% not at all effective. 

Because, you see, I currently am housing this item...

...within my general uterean area.

That's right, folks, we're making Dictator #3 over here! I ask you now to join me in posing the following questions:

Does this mean I'm going to be having a baby at 40? Yes, it does!

Does this imply that, as of February, I will have three children three and under? Correct-o-mundo!

Do we live in a home designed to house more than two people at the same time? No, we do not!

Does it, therefore, make any sense whatsoever that the following image correctly represents our reaction to this news?


But there you have it. Like two merry lunatics dancing on the deck of the Titanic, David and I are super thrilled about our impending arrival.

My mother, who had three babies in thirty-eight months summed up her experience thusly,

"You know, at a certain point you just realize that you're out of hands, and then you just kind of figure it out."

So while I am exploring the possibility of having a third arm grafted onto my body as soon as possible, I'm mostly hoping to be able to do as my mother did before me, especially considering the fact that I was the third of my mother's tightly-spaced threesome. 

This means that if history repeats itself, this kid is going to turn out AWESOME (though, in fairness, he or she may make some highly unfortunate hairstyle choices in teendom).

I ask you to join me in the comments section with helpful words of encouragement, advice from BTDT moms, and of course judgmental screeds on the subject of my life choices.

Or, you could always go with the trending response:

"You must really be hoping for a girl this time!"