Thursday, October 6, 2011

I Have a Complaint

I try, as a general rule, to keep from complaining too much on the blog.

This is primarily because of my concern that were I to START complaining on the blog, I might never be able to stop

This past month alone I have spared you screeds on subjects including, but not limited to
  • Giant black flies;
  • Why everything is always so sticky;
  • The potty song;
  • The reality that the only playlist I enjoy on Pandora is entitled "adult contemporary" which means I am, in fact, old;
  • The fact that no one has invented self-cleaning floors;
  • Humans who drive near me;
  • The weird shape of my feet.

Yes, in my infinite thoughtfulness, I have chosen NOT to burden you with grim and lengthy diatribes on such topics. But this week, I give you fair warning - THERE IS GOING TO BE SOME SERIOUS COMPLAINING.

For, you see, this week it would appear that my children and I have contracted HAND, FOOT, and MOUTH disease. 

But wait, you argue! That can't be a real thing! It sounds too much like a made-up disease, or something one could only acquire while working in a 19th-century tanning factory. 

But, AU CONTRAIRE mes amis! (This is French for, 'you cannot possibly imagine the scope of my life ache at present')

HAND, FOOT, and MOUTH disease is, in fact, a fairly common childhood illness which manifests in fever, sore throat, and open sores on the hands, feet, and mouth.

Did I say open sores? Yes. Yes, I did.

I have chosen to spare you the "sores" image at this time

Yes, apparently over the weekend the universe looked down at my five-months-pregnant self, lugging around a three-year-old and a toddler whilst drowning in a sea of self-replicating laundry and thought to itself, "Now that is a woman in need of ulcerous mouth lesions."

So I'm complaining. A lot. And my children are complaining, mostly in the form of falling to the ground, rolling about, wailing loudly, and occasionally crying out,

          "Owwwie in the mouth!!!"

It's really not all that fun.

On the upside, (if there can be an upside to having viral blister eruptions) the word from local medical experts is that HAND, FOOT, and MOUTH disease, while infinitely yucky, is not all that serious and will likely run its course in a matter of days. 

Also, until such time, my children and I are taking cold comfort (literally) in the fact that we are, at present, fully justified in having milkshakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

And, as I might have mentioned, we're complaining.


In other news, I am guest blogging this week at MommyShorts. Please head over there and check it out! Ironically, it is a piece on the wondrous joys of expecting a third child.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea for me to go ahead read it again myself.