Thursday, January 17, 2013

Brrrrrr. It's Cold Out Here.

It's cold in LA.

And listen, I'm not looking for sympathy from you folks who live in places where it's like 8 degrees. All I'm trying to convey is that for Southern California it is COLD.

But you don't have to take it from me! You can take it from Cathy Hoxie! Of the National Weather Service in Oxnard!

Hoxie said temperatures in Los Angeles could drop to the upper 30s, with the San Fernando and San Gabriel valleys dipping farther to the mid-30s.

But even those predictions "seem a little warm," Hoxie said, adding that she "wouldn't be surprised" if the forecast was adjusted to lower temperatures.
"Saturday morning is probably going to be pretty darn cold," Hoxie said.

Let me tell you something Cathy Hoxie! You were really onto something there! It was, in fact, PRETTY DARN COLD on Saturday and then again on Sunday! 

As I sense, dear readers, that I have yet to gain your full sympathies, please allow me to explain a few things about cold weather in Los Angeles.

When one moves to LA, especially when one moves from the East Coast in January, one goes through a joyful ritual of purging everything in one's wardrobe that is remotely warm. There is a gleeful discarding of puffy coats, a giddy bringing of snow boots to Goodwill, and a merry gifting of mittens and scarves to the friends and relations you are leaving behind for warmer climates.

Then, free of all these warmth-giving items, you buy a house. You notice that the windows of said home don't exactly close. That, there are in fact, small gaps between the window panes and the walls. But you think to yourself, "No big deal! The cracks are pretty small! And who cares anyway. It's SO NICE HERE!" 

You go on to have three children. You are gifted lots of adorable clothes for them and manage to procure some hand-me-downs. At no point do you worry about buying things like hats or mittens or scarves or coats because you have been led to believe that the place you have chosen to live is, you know, WARM.

Then a week comes along and it is 35 degrees in the morning with a daily high in the mid-50s and you find yourself, to say the least, unprepared.

Your lovely Southern California home is transformed into a frozen chamber of horrors. The heater, designed to fight off temperatures no higher than the mid-60's, cannot possibly keep up. Your breath is showing at the dinner table and the children are yelling, 

"Mommy, please make this cold go away!"

repeatedly as you attempt to drag them from their beds each morning.

You find yourself shivering in your usual school drop-off getup of t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops as you huddle with your fellow blue-lipped Mommies desperately trying to will the pre-school teacher to open the door with your mind.

My children, born and raised in LA, are completely unfamiliar with concept of winter-wear. They refuse to keep mittens or hats on for more than 30 seconds at a time and are then flummoxed when their hands and feet begin to ache from the cold. 

None of this is helped by our aforementioned lack of appropriate wintertime gear. 

Yes, this is a photo of my child wearing a terrycloth robe in lieu of a winter coat.

And I suppose I could do the responsible thing. I could winterize our windows. I could invest in space heaters to keep the kids warm at home. I could certainly make a Target run and stock up on fuzzy mittens, down coats, and all the accessories of the season.

But I think instead we'll just hunker down and try to wait out this long, dark winter of Southern California....

....because it's supposed to be 80 by Friday.