Thursday, February 27, 2014

We Gotta Get That!



About two decades ago I went to Playland amusement park in Rye, NY with my best friend and her three-year-old child. As we walked through the midway, I watched her eyes scan the horizon on constant alert for what might lie ahead. 

"Yeah, let's turn here, I don't want to pass that game that has all the Barneys."


"OK, left up here, I don't want him to see those Pikachus."


In spite of her constant vigilance her son spent much of our outing shrieking demands.


"Look! There's Big Bird! We need to get one!"


"Mommy! It's Mickey Mouse!!! WE NEED TO STOP!!!"


At the time I remember wondering what on Earth could be wrong with this consta-demanding little boy. Now that I have three kids of my own I understand that what was wrong with him --- 


was that he was THREE.




What follows is a brief (and likely incomplete) list of the things that my own three-year-old has demanded this week:

PEANUT BUTTER POP TARTS




"MOM! We HAVE to have those!"

"Really? They look super gross to me."

"They look delicious! We HAVE TO GET THEM!!!!! Mom I want those for my MOUTH!!!!!"

A BOAT WITH OARS


[Emerges crying from his room after naptime]

"What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"


"Mommy, I NEED a boat! A boat WITH OARS!!!!"


"But we don't live near any water?"

CUT TO: Child collapsing in sobs for half an hour.

A TIGER



"Mom! We need one of those!!! A tiger!"

"Well, I mean our house is not really equipped for tiger rearing. But hey! We can come to the zoo anytime we want and see this one!"

"NOOOOOO! We need a tiger to live with me in my bed!"

"That just isn't really a good idea. I wish you'd just take my word for it!"

[Insert lengthy diatribe about the injustice of my refusal to purchase a killer tiger]

A JUMP ROPE


"Mommy - did you know that a jump rope is the most fun thing you can ever have? DID YOU?????"

A SHARK THAT IS CHOMPING THE FACE OF A KILLER WHALE

[NOT PICTURED]

A CHECKERED FLAG


"You cannot have a good race unless you have a checkered flag. You can NOT!"

LEMONADE


"It's my favorite. I want to drink it everyday. Do you understand?"

A FIRE TRUCK


"NO! NOT A TOY ONE! A REAL ONE!"

THE MORMON TEMPLE ON WILSHIRE BOULEVARD

Los Angeles California Mormon Temple

"MOM! MOM! MOMMY! We gotta get that!"

"That what?

"That giant white THING! THERE! With the people going inside!"

"What? NO."

THE ANGEL MORONI FROM ON TOP OF THE MORMON TEMPLE ON WILSHIRE BOULEVARD


"OK. Then I'll just get the gold angel with a trumpet off the top."



The unrelenting flow of demands in staggering. I buy a box of Pop Tarts here and a jump rope there but it only seems to fuel my son's appetite to HAVE ALL THE THINGS.

Have I spent any of the past week engaged in lengthy debate why it is not possible that we should construct a full-sized antelope enclosure in our playroom?

Yes, people. Yes I have.

Don't judge me too harshly -- I mean we ARE going to need to have something to feed the tiger.

3 comments:

  1. The boat with the oar request made me laugh out loud. I love the 'CUT TO: Child collapsing in sobs for 1/2 and hour' because that would totally and completely be my son!!! LOL!!!!! I have my self laughed at my son unintentionally because of one of these tantrums. I feel your pain girl!!

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  2. I looked up "sharks eating whales," and I now see why they were not pictured. I often think about what my life would be like if I had all the things I had ever asked for, dreamed about, or wished for on stars and birthday cakes. They would include: countless horses and dogs; being married to Colby the heartthrob of third grade, Andrew the heartthrob of fourth grade, John the heartthrob of fifth grade, and [can't remember the names of] the heartthrobs of sixth/seventh/eight grades; a house full of rooms containing wall-to-wall beds (I still want this); a treehouse (ditto); Pierce Brosnan, Steve Martin, Scott Baio. I could go on. If all of these horses/people/things were here in my house now, it would make for a very surreal scene.

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  3. Meg perhaps you've seen this, but I found it particularly enlightening, as I spend my afternoons with my beloved 3 year old grandson...beloved. Yes. Even when he is an asshole.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-fader/threeyearolds-are-asshole_b_4784416.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

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