Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Holiday Card

Yeah, so I live in Los Angeles...

...where it is currently raining INSIDE MY HOUSE.

This means that in between bouts of wrapping, shipping, packing, and cleaning I am now using each free moment to exchange caulking tips with friends and neighbors in an attempt to keep our roof extant.

Which means this week's blog will be brief.

Last year I sent out exactly zero holiday cards. Mostly because I was pregnant and I sort of figured that since I'd be sending birth announcements in just a few months I was justified in taking a pass on the whole enterprise.

But when other people's Christmas cards began arriving in my mailbox...I had a change of heart. As I gazed upon friends' children -- duded up in jaunty caps or smiling sweetly on Santa's lap -- I was filled with regret that I had missed a GOLDEN opportunity to foist the cuteness of my own offspring upon others in a socially acceptable manner.

And so I vowed that this year I, too, would produce a Christmas card --- and it would be PERFECT!
First, I purchased highly whimsical footsie-pajamas complete with highly merry stocking caps. Next, I convinced my brother-in-law (a skilled photographer) to capture my children looking adorable in said outfits. Finally, I meticulously laid out the greatest of these shots on a festive background and placed my order for 100 cards to be delivered post-haste.

The shots I chose were, I thought, perfect. They captured Crinkles' jaunty grin wonderfully. Even the Snood, a reluctant subject at best, looked delightful - his impish grin full of anticipation of the holiday season to come!

The cards arrived a week later, and I grabbed the box from the mailman's outstretched hands, anxious to take in the wonder of each card...

Only to discover upon viewing the blown-up final prints that the impish grin on Snoodie's face was not, in fact, in anticipation of the holiday season to come, but rather in anticpation of the incredibly enormous river of snot that was streaming from his left nostril, milliseconds away from dropping into his eager, open mouth.

Hoping that I might be overreacting, I showed the cards to my sister.

ME: Do you notice anything odd about these?
MY SISTER: You mean the giant and repulsive stream of snot coming out of Snoodie's nose? Uh, yeah, I notice it. I think I'm gonna be sick.

So it is that we find ourselves now mailing out a second set of holiday cards - snot carefully removed via photoshop.

As I told my husband, don't think of it as spending money that we could be putting towards a new roof or, say, towards our children's college educations.

Think of it as doing our part to stimulate the economy --- one holiday fail at a time.