What can I say people? I love Christmas
Ever since I was little, Christmas has been where it's at for me.
My fervor for Christmas was so fervent, in fact, that at some point in early adolescence it began to cause some concern amidst friends and family members that I might be a tad........behind.
While my middle school classmates were busy putting away childish things like Santa in favor of more age appropriate activities like, say, sexual exploration and drug use, I clung stubbornly to the belief that it was the man in the red suit who'd lovingly placed the puff paint sweatshirt I'd had my eye on at the mall safely under the tree.
Sure the handwriting on the TO/FROM card looked familiar - because MOM HAD WRAPPED IT FOR HIM, and so OF COURSE she filled out the card. OKAY!!!!????!!!!????
And while the years have perhaps diminished my belief in Santa, they have done little to dim my passion for all things Christmas!
This presents something of a conundrum as it means that in the month of December I add to my regular job as:
- Chief Snoodle Wrangler
- Director of Crinkle Relations
- Part-Time Writer
- Head chef
- 5:30am Soother
- Main Diaper Changer
- Central Husband Squeezer
- Prime Photographer
- Lead Laundress
- Head Maid
- Primary Grocery Purveyor
- Overseer of Big Boy Bed Escapees
- Supervisor of Snot Containment
- Purchasing Agent in Chief
- Superintendent of Shipping
- Jolly Music Supervisor
- Executive Travel Officer
- Director of Decor (aka Head Festiveness Producer)
- Co-Ordinator of Christmas Entertainment, General Merriment and assorted Santa-themed Propaganda
- Creative Director of Christmas Card Production and Delivery
So, as my dad might say, I'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest!
So while I long to tell you the tale of my attempt to produce the PERFECT CHRISTMAS CARD this year (*spoiler alert!* it turns out somewhat less than perfect)...
...you shall have to wait until next week. Because for now CHRISTMAS IS CALLING! As First Officer of Cookie Creation.............I've got GingerbreadMen to ice!