Thursday, August 2, 2012

Well, that was a bad idea.

Let me tell you something you don't want to do when you have three children under four.

You pretty much don't want to write a blog post about how fully you are CHERISHING the tender moments with your children when they wake up in the dark of night because you've come to realize how precious that time really is.

Every night since publishing that post my children have been throwing insane all-night baby and toddler parties in what we can only believe is some vague attempt to kill David and I both.

The source of the problem is that we've been attempting to get all three kids to sleep in one room at the same time. We have a two-bedroom house, so unless we are willing to have a child residing under the train table, this is pretty much our only option.

Now, when you have one child sleeping in a room alone there is always some chance that something will go wrong on any given night. When you have three kids sharing a room the chances of something going awry increase exponentially due to what I've dubbed "the domino effect of disaster".

Allow me to illustrate with an example from my own life.

Our problems almost always originate with our 6-month-old. She's teething and thus tends to wake up loudly and angrily sometime around 3am.

The interaction that follows tends to go something like this:

ME: Shhh. OK, baby. It's OK, here's a little pacifier. OK back to sleep now.
BABY: Wah!!!!!!
ME: OK, shush now. Let's just calm down.
(Furious rocking of baby begins)
BABY: Wah!
(Shushing recommences)
ME: Oh, crap!
BABY: Wah!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: I'm going to Disneyland for my birthday right? 
BABY: Wah!
ME: We'll talk about it in the morning. Go back to sleep.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: (beginning to wail) I want to go!!!! I want to go!!!!
(Holding and shushing baby, while attempting to make soothing gesture towards older son with right foot)
ME: OK, fine, you're going. Yes. Now be quiet.
BABY: Wah!
ME: Sorry baby, I wasn't yelling at you.
BABY: Wah!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: I want to see Mickey Mouse RIGHT NOW!
ME: (over sounds of baby's wailing) Oh, Lord.
(Suddenly, a voice from the Lightning McQueen toddler bed).
TWO-YEAR-OLD: I love airplanes!

Cut to 5am, by which time husband and I have banished the baby to the pack-and-play in the living room and convinced both boys to return to sleep with promises of trips to Disneyland and/or the airplane museum.

We stagger back to bed, grumble in each other's general direction and attempt to grab another hour of sleep before the day begins at 6:30am. 

And you know what we DON'T DO???? 

A whole lot of cherishing. 

Or any cherishing at all, to be honest.